Day 6

I really hate to dissapoint all my followers but today I fell. I did not smoke just one but probably close to 12. Please do not leave me now. I am weak sometimes and you will find that out if you keep up with me. I am not the guy that can just quit something cold turkey without reprocutions. So here is my weak moment. How do you deny your body something that it wants? How do you deny a baby something when it is crying non-stop? These questions seem the same to me they are totally different. All i can do is hope for the best. My biggest pet peeve is when my friends take it to the extreme and punish me for my defaults. As friends they should know that i punish myself harder than anything.
So my day seemed harmless enough but with one phone call it can all change. I have made it through one bar without smoking and have been fine but going to a new one apparently was too hard for me. The friends I went out with were so supported of me not smoking but I could not contain the demons in my head that were telling me to smoke. The joke really is on me because I had that whole morning crap that is in your throat that comes with smoking almost out of my system and now it will take another six days. I would love to ask God to help me but with something so trivial in my eyes I do not think he was worrying. It comes a point in everyones life to know that there is no one to help. I have a good friend that did not smoke hard until recently but decided to quit to support my cause. I know i use the word cause but I am not trying to say that I am one of those people that goes door to door trying to recruit.
I guess basically I fucked up tonight and need to get my head out of my ass and start kicking some ass.
Something that I should tell you right now is that I am not anti-nicotine; I am just saying do what makes you happy. Nicotine has only kept me in balance I need someone to give me the dissapointing frown. I love all my siblings so much. Fuck all you who feel that there i s no love in their box. I love all you


ssj