Day 5

So here we are again. I guess I should not say we when this is me trying to change. So on this 5th day of trying to quit my head starts to roll around this question about addiction. What is addiction? My head is telling me that is something we all need. We all eat food and need it to survive but do we call that an addiction? No we do not. But that is where I caught on to the trick of my head, it is totally trying to get me to say that cigarettes are okay so that I will smoke one. People think that it is their friends, family or peers that get them to smoke but now that I am trying to quit it seems as though it was me all along. Damn myself. I mean when I think about cheating it is my head that makes it okay. We are our own worst enemies. If you think about all the bad decisions you made in your life you will realize the majority was your head or mind helping you out in the situation. So here I am drinking some wine and craving that cigarette all while hearing my head telling me that one will not kill me. When will this end? Tonight I actually begged one of my friends to give me a cigarette. I would have bought thier tab or anything. I am getting to the point where the crazy is about to show up.
Tonight at my work we have open mic. Which is actually awesome to hear local artist show us their talent but some of them are not quite as good. Something you will start to learn about me is that I can be a snob. I do not strive or try to be one but something that I can not control makes me one. So when people I do not want to hear come on I would always go on my smoke break but now I am forced to listen to them. I try to be objective but when I hear them and know that they are not drinking or tipping it is hard for me to not hate them. That is my way of making money just like other people have other jobs that pay them. So you will also find out that the word tangent is my middle name. I can always go off subject and may or may no come back to the original post. Contact me if you need clarification of something. But now I need to go to bed, have to open the bar in the morning. But Day 6 should be more entertaining because I will be Karaokeing. Thanks to all my loyal readers.