Days 21 to 26

Well I have had a major writing complication of lack of sleep and working my tail bone off so I really want to apologize about my latest blunder but this is not all you will be mad at me about when I get done writing this. So I have totally screwed up all accomplishments this last week on quiting. HELP ME. Let me just pull off the band aide and tell you the facts: Thursday = 5, Friday = 5, Saturday = 5, Sunday = 7, Monday = 1, and Tuesday = 4. So in 6 days I had a whopping 27 cigs so for this past two weeks that I was only suppose to have 20 turned into 44. I rock do I not. You can all reprimand me in your own way. Well to top it off I will be working doubles for a while seeing how we are down a bartender which just makes it even harder to not stop thinking about a cigarette. Those were the best when I would get done being busy and being able to go outside and smoke a cigarette. Well the bright side of all of this is that I have only smoked 75 cigarettes when I would have really smoked 120 at this time roughly speaking. You are probably going to hit me when I say baby steps but it is the little accomplishments that motivate me more. Seeing how I really did not think I did anything to deserve and type of accomplishment. I got so far behind updating this that I lumped the last 6 days together. Really nothing cool or exciting to write down about these last days except for working my tail off and sleeping pretty much all day Sunday. Sang some karaoke on Saturday with the bosses and really good friends. Did my annual Sunday dinner with my best friend and his wife. Monday I was asked and I accepted to be part of one of my oldest and best friends wedding. I will be going down to Nebraska in September to be part of that. Other than that it has been a very usual week and now it is off to bed to finish the rest of this hectic work week. Again I want to apologize for the lateness and for the falling down but I am getting myself back up and going strong with the help of one of my other best friends. You can never have too many friends or best friends in my book. LOL

Day 20

This particular Wednessday I had two birthdays and work to go to. I did my best at getting to work this morning but it was rough. John you need to get more sleep. You are only hurting yourself. Well I got through the day and went home for a little nap and then off two my commitments for the night. Well I slept so hard that I did not get up until 930 it was bad missed everything and on top of that I was not feeling getting up. So what do I do I throw on sweats and go to Arby's and then Redbox. Yeah I ate fatty food and rented three movies and came home for a full night on my ass. I slept off and on and watched movies. I liked all three movies. The first one I watched was Night at the Museum, the one in the Smithsonian, which was a fair movie that kept me interested. When got that one done I popped in THE HURT LOCKER, which was so good. During this one we get a hail storm that completely covered the street and half the electricity in my house went out. Well to fix that problem I had to get the headlight and a flashlight and go to the basement. This place is something out of an old fashion horror movie. When I say old fashion I mean in the eighties, lol. Well I conquered my fears and got it done. So proud of myself. Then it was off to District 9 which actually made me tear up. Then it was off to bed. So if you are paying attention I did not smoke today. BABY BABY BABY BABY STEPS.

Day 19

Good ole Tuesdays. These are starting to be the longest days of the week. I work from morning to close. It is always good to stay busy but on this particular Tuesday with was a little slow. I pretty much sat on my booty til 8 when the open mic starts. One of my favorite bands came that night and played which was awesome and of course a shout out to those few idivifuals that make it even better. My life sounds so boring when I start to write it all out and I do not know why. I have a fun, and enjoyable life. I do have a life outside of work and it just when most people are in bed. My play time usually starts at midnight and goes to 5am when I finally go to sleep. I go to bed with normal people are starting their day or almost starting their day. Next week is going to be rough if we do not find another bartender because I will be working doubles everyday except for maybe one or two days when I only have to work the morning. So next weeks would be a little dull because I will be exhausted. But after the whole open mic I went to usual bar and got wasted and smoked 5 cigarettes which was not good but still I am working on it. I will get there I promise.

Day 18

Well you will come to find out that Mondays are not really big days for me. It was Martin Luther King, Jr. 's birthday so a lot of people were off. I went to go see to small independent movies in a row. Then went to my favorite fast food place which is Chick-Fil-A. Took it home and watched my shows. Ended up staying up to 5 knowing that I had a double the next day. There is something to say about going to the bar and coming home and passing out, because that is the only way I get to bed on time. But I feel good. Have not had a cigarette in two days or a drop of alcohol. Yay me.

The Weekend- Days 15-17

Well my Friday was nothing really big. Got to work and worked til 230am. My friend and I bartended together and we did alright. Small group of people but spenders. Smoked one cigarette which brought my tally to 4. I know I have only 20 so I am slowly conserving my pack which I do not have. It totally sucks for my friends becaus I bum cigarettes from all of them. I do not want to buy a pack because I would smoke the whole thing.
Saturday was a very long day. Did not leave the Deli until 330am the night before because of a certain person would not stop talking. So with barely any sleep I made it to work for my long double. The morning was very slow began to fall asleep at the bar but once the DJ's got there for our dance party Saturday it began to pick up. We ended up having a busy night. I worked my butt off and rewarded myself with 3 cigarettes. I know that it does not sound like a good reward but to me it sounded good. Ended up at the bar til 6am to find out that I could not drive home so I crashed there in the office until 11am. Went home after that.
Sunday was me sleeping, going to my friends for dinner and coming home and watching my shows. I was up til about 6am that night too. But I did not have anything to drink or smoke. Yay me. I usually drink wine with my friends but they partied a little too hard on Sat and were still hung over. We could only watch 1 of the 2 hours of 24. One of my favorite shows. The reason I was up so late sunday was because I had a lot to watch. That was the weekend. A little boring I know but they should pep up soon. LOL

Day 14

So Thursday was a wash really. Not a whole lot to say but I did come up with a whole new revelation. So you know how yesterday I was disappointed in myself because of the 31 cigarettes, well it helped me come up with my plan. The new plan for quitting smoking is to do baby steps. I know what you are thinking, that's from "What about Bob?" but it does actually work for all life's trials. I just need to slowly ween myself off them. So new plan and idea from a drunk guy. I would love your input on if this sounds logical. So for the next 13 days I am only allowed 20 cigarettes. Then after that the next 13 I will go to 10, then 5, then none. I am going to try it out to see what happens. So I have already had 3, 17 more to go. That was the most exciting thing that happened. I hope the next one will be more entertaining.

Day 13

Oh this was a very hard morning to get through. I believe I was going on 3 hours of sleep, we were short staffed, and I was running late. All adds up to one exhausting day. After the long morning shift I went to dinner with my sister and couple of my other friends to Red Prime (which is a fantastic steak house) to eat dinner my treat basically. This was my first experience in fine dining steak house. After going to the bar and ordering a glass of Pinot Noir which happened to be 20 dollars (ouch) while waiting on my party we got seated at our table. Since it was only two of us they would not give us the menus until the whole party arrived. It seemed that the waiter ignored us until the whole party arrived. My sister and I had a show to go to so we were kind of in a time crunch but all turned out pretty good. The food was fantastic and my wine was good. 250 dollars later (again another ouch) we headed off to see Legally Blonde on the stage. Show was actually very good and kept me awake so kudos to the performers. After the show I said goodbye to my sister and came to the Deli for some good ole Karaoke. Yes I do sing and if need be to win a contest my shirt does come off. Oh and I had 3 cigarettes. I know how it sounds that I am not even making a difference but I think I am. I have smoked 31 cigarettes since this started and now I realize I am doing horrible. Wow once you put that number out there it really has a impact on what I have been doing. I am going to really have to get my butt in gear and do it. I am not weak. Yes I am but I will try to overcome it. The next 13 days I am going to show more of a accomplishment. Sorry if I let any of my followers down. Love you guys. Day 14 will start my new gumption if that word works there. LOL

Day 12

Tuesday on the most part was pretty relaxing. Have not smoked in two days I was feeling pretty good for myself until the bar. It was a hard night in my defense. I spent the morning relaxing and watching the tube until I had to be at work at 5. Seeing how I worked all day yesterday my morning was off. I was so relaxed and ready to work. We actually had a very successful open mic night and I got a big pop before it started. NO CIGARETTES at this point. Then I close up and go see a couple of my friends at the Lounge and then it was downhill from then on. One of my friends was having a bad day and started smoking in front of me. Little side story about that is she does not smoke and always complained that we smoked so sitting by her I thought I was safe. What do they put in these sticks that takes over my mind and makes me need them so much. Do I really need them? Well I ended up smoking one cigarette there and needed more. So other people were having people over and I knew I could get some cigs that way. So I went. Got in a major political debate and got killed on the new Mario Bros for the Wii. Oh yeah I also smoked 5 cigarettes. Shoot me now. But finally went home made myself some leftover meatloaf and mashed potatoes and passed out. On to another day.

Day 11

So for a Monday in Oklahoma nothing much happened. I have gone my second day with no cigarettes. I am prouder each day of my achievements. I am taking baby steps to reach my goal and I doing a mighty good progress. I also did not drink so I have technically been sober the last few days so yay me also. NOT REALLY. I need a beer. Just last night I was about to go and hit that fork in the road to either go and get drunk or watch my shows. Well if you knew me you would know TV and Movies and get me out of drinking alone any day. Love my shows and movies. Ended up working all day which was not as bad as I would have hoped. Watched two basketball games which both my teams won. Go Thunder, Boomer.................Sooner. And got home at a decent hour. Well not a real lot to say about a Monday hopefully the week gets a little more exciting. Thanks again to my loyal followers.

The weekend or days 8-10

Well this weekend has been quite an interesting one if I do say myself. Friday was a typical work day except for the fact that I got to work with one of my dear dear friends who I have not seen since her wedding. It was a busy night we were here til 3am. Got my friend to have a beer with me only on the condition I did not cheat that night. So I stood by my word and did not smoke that entire day. Yay for me. I found my weakness when it comes to smoking which is not being able to drink with anyone. That is totally how my friends should be with me. We had three bands at the deli and all were good and entertaining. Got to catch up with my brother and his family. All in all it was a good day. I was very proud of myself that day.
Saturday was a long and boring day. I totally forgot to bring my laptop to the deli so I just sat and played with the iPhone. That can only entertain for a little time. Took some quizzes and found out my country I should belong to is Japan, my mushy movie is Pretty woman, and I should date Jennifer Aniston. Yay me. Oh and then I got some late patrons that kept me here until 1130. But then the fun begins. Went to my favorite hangout and got sloshed and smoked a bunch probably close to 8. I am trying which is all I can say for myself. So it was beer, shots, cigarettes oh my and then I had to get a ride home. So one of the good reasons I go to this bar is the fact that I am good friends with the bartenders and can always get a ride home. This particular night I made it all then way to the driveway and then got out and started to throw up profusely. That was fun and then I somehow got up the three flights of stairs to my apt and fell asleep on my couch. Good night to me.
Sunday was a rough morning. Got to sleep til 1pm and got some shorts on and began to watch my new plasma tv and have a very relaxing afternoon until the dreaded phone call. My sister decides to call me and force me to run oh how much I hated that. Well it does help out in the fact that I have only 4 months before I have to be ready for my 1/2 marathon. It was a rough run but I survived with little soreness. Got to have wine and Stromboli at my friends house while watching a movie. Then came home with the intention of going out with some other friends to a club but ended up passing out. The end of the first weekend of the blog.

Day 7

Juanny has been a bad boy! I smoked 2 cigarettes last night. So here comes the part when I start to give myself excuses like the fact that a week ago was a huge improvement. But all there is to say now is shame on you. Just kidding. Smoking is a tricky thing to give up for me seeing how when drinking a beer a cig come naturally in my hand. I love those blasted candy sticks. It was going so good until the shots were coming. So in my head a cigarette is only good after a shot so needless to say no more shots. I will never ever ever ever give up shots. I just have to condition myself to not want a cigarette. What would be the next best thing after a shot? The answers are a little risky but they just might work. The funny part about all this is that shots was my way of forgetting about smoking and now they are making me smoke. Damn those pesky liquors. So right now all you are thinking is why do I not just give up liquor all together. I know I have brought this up before but it will always be the elephant in the blog. Liquor is nectar of the gods. It is like a juicy steak on a deserted island. It is the cherry to garnishes my sundae. It is the icing on the beautiful blonde. Scratch the last one if it offends but leave it there if enjoyed.
Sorry for the lateness of this entry but someone passed out before he did his work. I was tired and finally have gotten the proper rest my body needs. So tonight I am ready for anything. Cigarettes are awesome but will not be smoked by me tonight. I am getting back on track. I see the point in my journey and I am going to get there. Ode to the Joys of quitting. I am not a quitter. But I have to be one now. Who am I kidding? I am the biggest quitter in history I think. Oh well this will be fun. Tttyl.

Day 6

I really hate to dissapoint all my followers but today I fell. I did not smoke just one but probably close to 12. Please do not leave me now. I am weak sometimes and you will find that out if you keep up with me. I am not the guy that can just quit something cold turkey without reprocutions. So here is my weak moment. How do you deny your body something that it wants? How do you deny a baby something when it is crying non-stop? These questions seem the same to me they are totally different. All i can do is hope for the best. My biggest pet peeve is when my friends take it to the extreme and punish me for my defaults. As friends they should know that i punish myself harder than anything.
So my day seemed harmless enough but with one phone call it can all change. I have made it through one bar without smoking and have been fine but going to a new one apparently was too hard for me. The friends I went out with were so supported of me not smoking but I could not contain the demons in my head that were telling me to smoke. The joke really is on me because I had that whole morning crap that is in your throat that comes with smoking almost out of my system and now it will take another six days. I would love to ask God to help me but with something so trivial in my eyes I do not think he was worrying. It comes a point in everyones life to know that there is no one to help. I have a good friend that did not smoke hard until recently but decided to quit to support my cause. I know i use the word cause but I am not trying to say that I am one of those people that goes door to door trying to recruit.
I guess basically I fucked up tonight and need to get my head out of my ass and start kicking some ass.
Something that I should tell you right now is that I am not anti-nicotine; I am just saying do what makes you happy. Nicotine has only kept me in balance I need someone to give me the dissapointing frown. I love all my siblings so much. Fuck all you who feel that there i s no love in their box. I love all you


ssj

Day 5

So here we are again. I guess I should not say we when this is me trying to change. So on this 5th day of trying to quit my head starts to roll around this question about addiction. What is addiction? My head is telling me that is something we all need. We all eat food and need it to survive but do we call that an addiction? No we do not. But that is where I caught on to the trick of my head, it is totally trying to get me to say that cigarettes are okay so that I will smoke one. People think that it is their friends, family or peers that get them to smoke but now that I am trying to quit it seems as though it was me all along. Damn myself. I mean when I think about cheating it is my head that makes it okay. We are our own worst enemies. If you think about all the bad decisions you made in your life you will realize the majority was your head or mind helping you out in the situation. So here I am drinking some wine and craving that cigarette all while hearing my head telling me that one will not kill me. When will this end? Tonight I actually begged one of my friends to give me a cigarette. I would have bought thier tab or anything. I am getting to the point where the crazy is about to show up.
Tonight at my work we have open mic. Which is actually awesome to hear local artist show us their talent but some of them are not quite as good. Something you will start to learn about me is that I can be a snob. I do not strive or try to be one but something that I can not control makes me one. So when people I do not want to hear come on I would always go on my smoke break but now I am forced to listen to them. I try to be objective but when I hear them and know that they are not drinking or tipping it is hard for me to not hate them. That is my way of making money just like other people have other jobs that pay them. So you will also find out that the word tangent is my middle name. I can always go off subject and may or may no come back to the original post. Contact me if you need clarification of something. But now I need to go to bed, have to open the bar in the morning. But Day 6 should be more entertaining because I will be Karaokeing. Thanks to all my loyal readers.

Days 1-4

Hello to all who are there listening to the baby who hates change and work. It may sound like this would be a crappy read but you can choose to read it or not. To begin with I am a drinker, smoker of the nicotine, and about to turn 30. Things need to change in my life. When I turned 24 I decided to have things done before my 30 birthday. There were only three things that seemed pretty simple but did not turn out that way. My birthday is February 29 (leap year) and I need to be out of debt, have a job I love, and my own digs. This is where I stand now; out of debt and have a job I love. My own digs will not be happening. Growing older is only making it harder for me to find my way it seems. So now I have decided to take matters in my own hands and change. First thing is no more smoking. This is where my blog really comes in handy. Need this outlet to relieve my stress and craving for the blasted cigarette. I promise to you that my writing will get better and more interesting. The first 4 days have been rough. I have already cheated with 3 cigarettes. Not good and only real pastime is hanging at the bar with my friends. Something about a cold beer and a cig that go so well together. I have been going to movies and sitting on my bum trying to last the first 21 days. OH HELP ME. The second and probably more difficult life change is getting back to running. My goal is by April to run a 1/2 marathon. Yay me. I am out of breath, overweight, and drink like a fish. Can this be done? We shall find out together hopefully you stick around. This is the end of this post. Day 5 is tomorrow and we will see how that goes.