Day 12

Tuesday on the most part was pretty relaxing. Have not smoked in two days I was feeling pretty good for myself until the bar. It was a hard night in my defense. I spent the morning relaxing and watching the tube until I had to be at work at 5. Seeing how I worked all day yesterday my morning was off. I was so relaxed and ready to work. We actually had a very successful open mic night and I got a big pop before it started. NO CIGARETTES at this point. Then I close up and go see a couple of my friends at the Lounge and then it was downhill from then on. One of my friends was having a bad day and started smoking in front of me. Little side story about that is she does not smoke and always complained that we smoked so sitting by her I thought I was safe. What do they put in these sticks that takes over my mind and makes me need them so much. Do I really need them? Well I ended up smoking one cigarette there and needed more. So other people were having people over and I knew I could get some cigs that way. So I went. Got in a major political debate and got killed on the new Mario Bros for the Wii. Oh yeah I also smoked 5 cigarettes. Shoot me now. But finally went home made myself some leftover meatloaf and mashed potatoes and passed out. On to another day.

Day 11

So for a Monday in Oklahoma nothing much happened. I have gone my second day with no cigarettes. I am prouder each day of my achievements. I am taking baby steps to reach my goal and I doing a mighty good progress. I also did not drink so I have technically been sober the last few days so yay me also. NOT REALLY. I need a beer. Just last night I was about to go and hit that fork in the road to either go and get drunk or watch my shows. Well if you knew me you would know TV and Movies and get me out of drinking alone any day. Love my shows and movies. Ended up working all day which was not as bad as I would have hoped. Watched two basketball games which both my teams won. Go Thunder, Boomer.................Sooner. And got home at a decent hour. Well not a real lot to say about a Monday hopefully the week gets a little more exciting. Thanks again to my loyal followers.

The weekend or days 8-10

Well this weekend has been quite an interesting one if I do say myself. Friday was a typical work day except for the fact that I got to work with one of my dear dear friends who I have not seen since her wedding. It was a busy night we were here til 3am. Got my friend to have a beer with me only on the condition I did not cheat that night. So I stood by my word and did not smoke that entire day. Yay for me. I found my weakness when it comes to smoking which is not being able to drink with anyone. That is totally how my friends should be with me. We had three bands at the deli and all were good and entertaining. Got to catch up with my brother and his family. All in all it was a good day. I was very proud of myself that day.
Saturday was a long and boring day. I totally forgot to bring my laptop to the deli so I just sat and played with the iPhone. That can only entertain for a little time. Took some quizzes and found out my country I should belong to is Japan, my mushy movie is Pretty woman, and I should date Jennifer Aniston. Yay me. Oh and then I got some late patrons that kept me here until 1130. But then the fun begins. Went to my favorite hangout and got sloshed and smoked a bunch probably close to 8. I am trying which is all I can say for myself. So it was beer, shots, cigarettes oh my and then I had to get a ride home. So one of the good reasons I go to this bar is the fact that I am good friends with the bartenders and can always get a ride home. This particular night I made it all then way to the driveway and then got out and started to throw up profusely. That was fun and then I somehow got up the three flights of stairs to my apt and fell asleep on my couch. Good night to me.
Sunday was a rough morning. Got to sleep til 1pm and got some shorts on and began to watch my new plasma tv and have a very relaxing afternoon until the dreaded phone call. My sister decides to call me and force me to run oh how much I hated that. Well it does help out in the fact that I have only 4 months before I have to be ready for my 1/2 marathon. It was a rough run but I survived with little soreness. Got to have wine and Stromboli at my friends house while watching a movie. Then came home with the intention of going out with some other friends to a club but ended up passing out. The end of the first weekend of the blog.

Day 7

Juanny has been a bad boy! I smoked 2 cigarettes last night. So here comes the part when I start to give myself excuses like the fact that a week ago was a huge improvement. But all there is to say now is shame on you. Just kidding. Smoking is a tricky thing to give up for me seeing how when drinking a beer a cig come naturally in my hand. I love those blasted candy sticks. It was going so good until the shots were coming. So in my head a cigarette is only good after a shot so needless to say no more shots. I will never ever ever ever give up shots. I just have to condition myself to not want a cigarette. What would be the next best thing after a shot? The answers are a little risky but they just might work. The funny part about all this is that shots was my way of forgetting about smoking and now they are making me smoke. Damn those pesky liquors. So right now all you are thinking is why do I not just give up liquor all together. I know I have brought this up before but it will always be the elephant in the blog. Liquor is nectar of the gods. It is like a juicy steak on a deserted island. It is the cherry to garnishes my sundae. It is the icing on the beautiful blonde. Scratch the last one if it offends but leave it there if enjoyed.
Sorry for the lateness of this entry but someone passed out before he did his work. I was tired and finally have gotten the proper rest my body needs. So tonight I am ready for anything. Cigarettes are awesome but will not be smoked by me tonight. I am getting back on track. I see the point in my journey and I am going to get there. Ode to the Joys of quitting. I am not a quitter. But I have to be one now. Who am I kidding? I am the biggest quitter in history I think. Oh well this will be fun. Tttyl.

Day 6

I really hate to dissapoint all my followers but today I fell. I did not smoke just one but probably close to 12. Please do not leave me now. I am weak sometimes and you will find that out if you keep up with me. I am not the guy that can just quit something cold turkey without reprocutions. So here is my weak moment. How do you deny your body something that it wants? How do you deny a baby something when it is crying non-stop? These questions seem the same to me they are totally different. All i can do is hope for the best. My biggest pet peeve is when my friends take it to the extreme and punish me for my defaults. As friends they should know that i punish myself harder than anything.
So my day seemed harmless enough but with one phone call it can all change. I have made it through one bar without smoking and have been fine but going to a new one apparently was too hard for me. The friends I went out with were so supported of me not smoking but I could not contain the demons in my head that were telling me to smoke. The joke really is on me because I had that whole morning crap that is in your throat that comes with smoking almost out of my system and now it will take another six days. I would love to ask God to help me but with something so trivial in my eyes I do not think he was worrying. It comes a point in everyones life to know that there is no one to help. I have a good friend that did not smoke hard until recently but decided to quit to support my cause. I know i use the word cause but I am not trying to say that I am one of those people that goes door to door trying to recruit.
I guess basically I fucked up tonight and need to get my head out of my ass and start kicking some ass.
Something that I should tell you right now is that I am not anti-nicotine; I am just saying do what makes you happy. Nicotine has only kept me in balance I need someone to give me the dissapointing frown. I love all my siblings so much. Fuck all you who feel that there i s no love in their box. I love all you


ssj

Day 5

So here we are again. I guess I should not say we when this is me trying to change. So on this 5th day of trying to quit my head starts to roll around this question about addiction. What is addiction? My head is telling me that is something we all need. We all eat food and need it to survive but do we call that an addiction? No we do not. But that is where I caught on to the trick of my head, it is totally trying to get me to say that cigarettes are okay so that I will smoke one. People think that it is their friends, family or peers that get them to smoke but now that I am trying to quit it seems as though it was me all along. Damn myself. I mean when I think about cheating it is my head that makes it okay. We are our own worst enemies. If you think about all the bad decisions you made in your life you will realize the majority was your head or mind helping you out in the situation. So here I am drinking some wine and craving that cigarette all while hearing my head telling me that one will not kill me. When will this end? Tonight I actually begged one of my friends to give me a cigarette. I would have bought thier tab or anything. I am getting to the point where the crazy is about to show up.
Tonight at my work we have open mic. Which is actually awesome to hear local artist show us their talent but some of them are not quite as good. Something you will start to learn about me is that I can be a snob. I do not strive or try to be one but something that I can not control makes me one. So when people I do not want to hear come on I would always go on my smoke break but now I am forced to listen to them. I try to be objective but when I hear them and know that they are not drinking or tipping it is hard for me to not hate them. That is my way of making money just like other people have other jobs that pay them. So you will also find out that the word tangent is my middle name. I can always go off subject and may or may no come back to the original post. Contact me if you need clarification of something. But now I need to go to bed, have to open the bar in the morning. But Day 6 should be more entertaining because I will be Karaokeing. Thanks to all my loyal readers.

Days 1-4

Hello to all who are there listening to the baby who hates change and work. It may sound like this would be a crappy read but you can choose to read it or not. To begin with I am a drinker, smoker of the nicotine, and about to turn 30. Things need to change in my life. When I turned 24 I decided to have things done before my 30 birthday. There were only three things that seemed pretty simple but did not turn out that way. My birthday is February 29 (leap year) and I need to be out of debt, have a job I love, and my own digs. This is where I stand now; out of debt and have a job I love. My own digs will not be happening. Growing older is only making it harder for me to find my way it seems. So now I have decided to take matters in my own hands and change. First thing is no more smoking. This is where my blog really comes in handy. Need this outlet to relieve my stress and craving for the blasted cigarette. I promise to you that my writing will get better and more interesting. The first 4 days have been rough. I have already cheated with 3 cigarettes. Not good and only real pastime is hanging at the bar with my friends. Something about a cold beer and a cig that go so well together. I have been going to movies and sitting on my bum trying to last the first 21 days. OH HELP ME. The second and probably more difficult life change is getting back to running. My goal is by April to run a 1/2 marathon. Yay me. I am out of breath, overweight, and drink like a fish. Can this be done? We shall find out together hopefully you stick around. This is the end of this post. Day 5 is tomorrow and we will see how that goes.